Goodnight

Dry away the tear. Lay aside your fears. No more pain for my love. I am here, now go to sleep.

And when the angels come, I know that they will treat you well. That they will pull you through and lift you up from all that's held you down.

There's a heaven up there and it waits just for you. So close your eyes and dream and there will be a world you once knew.

A world without the pain that has stuck with you for far too long. A world that does contain a love like mine to watch you grow strong.

And when my time arrives, please wait and make a place for me. For when I do arrive, your face should be the first face I see.

So dry away the tears. Lay aside your fears. No more pain for my love. It is time.

Now go to sleep....

I listened to that song all the way from Centerville to Pleasant Grove. Sawyer had me listen to it about 7 months ago. I can't believe you've been gone longer than you were sick. For incredible selfish reasons, I long for the time a year ago when I anxiously awaited your return home so we could help you through this and get you back to Florida as soon as your little body was ready.
More than that, I long for the times when we were young. Not a care in the world except making sure Mom and Dad didn't walk downstairs before we could change the TV from Friends to the Disney Channel and making sure we pushed record in time to get the newest episode of X-Files. I remember the nights that we stayed up later than we should have, reading Star Wars books and you taking the time to stop when I had a question, pulling out one of your many Star Wars encyclopedias and explaining it to me. I'm sorry to admit, a lot of the time I still didn't totally understand, but I wanted so badly to be like you and to make you proud that I pretended to.

Now, I hope I still make you proud. I hope that these little glimpses of dragonflies and fettucine noodles in my spaghetti are you saying that you are here with me and you are proud of what I'm doing and the things I'm accomplishing.
I know you are sitting next to me right now and playing with my hair. I could really go for one of your scalp massages right now. But, instead, I wait. However impatiently, I wait. I wait for the day that I'll be able to see your face and finally be able to hold you and hear your voice and tell you for the millionth time that I really did like the present you gave me for my 2nd birthday. I only said I didn't because it was naptime and I was cranky! I feel a little silly posting this online, but I feel like you still see it.
I miss you so much I can hardly breathe. Please never leave my side. I need you here and I always will. Friends for life, through all kinds of trouble and struggle and strife. "We all have someone special in the world and I have you." My sweet sister. I love you with all of my heart and soul.

And PS-My bra's in my ass!!!

Packed like pickles. It'll catch on.

I miss Brittanie so bad I can hardly breathe. She read me Berenstein Bear books and American Girl books and Star Wars books until I fell asleep on her bed. She snuck me episodes of FRIENDS when I was too young to watch them on my own without feeling guilty. She introduced me to Ellen Degeneres' comedic genius. She made me watch ridiculous movies until I loved them. We consumed so many medium pizzas and cinnamon sticks from Dominos that its a miracle we didn't weigh 400 pounds by the time we were 20. She taught me about character integrity and cheered me on at my first and last parades. We talked about everything. And I guess we still do, but I wish I could hear her laugh when I tell her about my ridiculous days and the things I can't believe I did.

Through all of this though, I keep coming back to Ellen. And not because she's so inspirational and an amazing role model. She is, but thats not why. Its because she can always make me laugh. I know that seems weird and a little twisted. Who would watch stand up comedy right now? Brittanie would. And she would want me to. She'd want me to laugh. And while my true laughter may come rarely, it's nice to know that it still exists. And while I wish I could hear her amazing laugh, I know she's quoting Ellen right next to me and laughing. What a great laugh that is. I'm so jealous of the people in Heaven that get to hear it all the time. I have a video that she took of me a few years ago and she's laughing behind the camera. You can't see her, but you can hear her. Its such a treasure and I don't know what I'd do if I were ever to lose it.

I don't know what the message of this post is, or if there even is one. Except maybe to remember to laugh. You never know whose life you are touching or even bringing a smile to their face when you laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNvzHLYUlJ4

Watch it. It'll make you laugh. :)

Don't stop believin'...hold on to that feelin'

Ok so I'm officially the worst blogger ever! Its been forever since I updated this ol' thing. Not like anybody ever reads it, but just in case! Plus its cathartic for me, right? Life has been so crazy. I seriously feel like my life has been flipped upside down and this is all a dream and I'm just waiting to wake up. I was talking to my mom about it the other day and if you had told me a year ago that I'd be hurrying to finish a certification program in time to get my own apartment, I'd still be working at Home Depot, and my sister would be my guardian angel, I probably would have slapped you and never spoken to you again.

A year ago seems like so long. I was in Beauty and the Beast and dating a great guy. I was stressing about school, but not super worried about it. I had awesome roommates and amazing friends. And most importantly, my sister was in Florida, performing, healthy, and happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with certain aspects of my life right now. I'm in an AWESOME show in Springville with some of the most talented people I've ever had the privelege to work with and have made so many new friends in the cast. I've gotten to be good friends with people (including my bestie) that I never would have met if I had quit Home Depot last summer like I had planned. My relationships with the amazing girls I met in Florida have been put to the test and they have more than stepped up to the challenge and made our friendships so much stronger. I'm getting close to being done with my Medical Assisting program, which is going to be a huge relief.

But then, the inevitable happens, and I get hit with a huge wave of "Remember how you had a sister four months ago?" I know she wants me to be happy and continue to love my life. And part of me is and does. But I feel like the stress of everything is starting to really weigh on me and take its toll. If I want to move out of my apartment (AND I DO!), then I have to be done with my program by the time my contract is up on August 20th so I have a steady income to pay for my own place. Now this doesn't sound like a lot, but it includes a period of front office work that takes anywhere from a week to 4 weeks and an internship. Plus, all of the clinical stuff that I haven't quite finished. This show in Springville (THAT I LOVE!!) is kind of a time suck (4 hours every Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday). I'm trying to work enough to stay afloat so usually my day consists of school from 8-12, work from 12:30-5:30, theatre from 6:00-10:30. And I was even trying to squeeze in rehearsals for another show in Orem on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but came to the conclusion the other day that, unfortunately, thats not very realistic. So now, I'm doing everything that I can to keep myself sane and happy, which is a pretty tall order these days. But I know its possible! I just remember that my guardian angel is sitting next to me, cheering me on, and telling me to get off Facebook and study or get ready for the show :)

And since this is kind of a Debbie Downer post, lets take a page out of Kelly Marie Hennessy's book and make a list!

The Small Things That Make Me Smile

• Dragonflies
• Getting texts from my beefer

• The 'thread' on Facebook between the Florida girls that started 2 1/2 years ago and is now over 2000 messages

• Doing a pass off at school
• Getting up on that stage and becoming a skank from the 50s
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• In n Out
• Talking to old friends
• Watching Gilmore Girls
• Watching Gilmore Girls and hearing a line I had forgotten about and legitly laughing out loud
• Hearing something on Grey's Anatomy that I've learned about and actually knowing what they are talking about when someone needs an oophorsalpingohysterectomy
• Newsies
• Getting back in touch with people I haven't talked to in years
• Ellen Degeneres introducing Lauren Graham in Spanish
• Matthew Morrison. Nuff said.
• Getting a good parking spot
• Wearing my stage makeup to work when I won't have time to do it at the theater
• Seeing peoples reactions to me wearing stage makeup to work
• Seize the Day set to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Seriously. Look it up.
• Hearing my friends laughing from the other side of the register
• Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that is my employment at Home Depot
• Looking at one bedroom apartments
• The cute apron I plan on buying to use in my new apartment
• Tuesday nights with Aimee
• Pretty Little Liars
• Learning that everyone is secretly a theater nerd. Admit it. You love Glee.
• Getting tickets to the midnight showing of Eclipse
• Remembering the midnight showing of Twilight
• Dancing in the shower
• Knowing that I'm starting blood draws either tomorrow or Monday.
• The color pink
• Waking up to texts that say "I love you have a good day"
• Calls from Laura just to call me princess and tell me she loves me

• Texts from Chelsie that say "Why don't you work today!?"









• Texts from Chelsie that say "You work today, right?!"
• Randomly calling my mom to say hi and being able to actually hear her smile when she hears my voice
• Knowing that my parents love me
• Seeing my parents in the front row of every performance of every show I've been in, even though they live an hour away
• Hearing things that I know my sister sent to make me smile
• Seeing things that I know my sister sent to make me smile

• Feeling my sister around
• Knowing that I'll always feel my sister around
• Knowing that tomorrow is a new day :)

Love you all so much!!!

Some Things are Meant To Be

How do I go on?

Just an empty room...

All I have are memories.

I need a task to do

Someone give me a task to do

I need a.....

I thought that somehow we would always have forever

I thought the promises we made would have a different end

I thought the love we shared would keep us as we were

It was the fire within me.

We dreamed and plotted with abandon in this attic

When we were gathered here the room became our citadel

We were amazing then my sister and I

She was the fire within me

In this room I knew we were alive

Nothing was too painful to survive

We faced the world together

The two of us forever side by side

Everything I promised was for her

I was hers no matter where or when

How can that be lost forever?

How when I gave everything with all my heart?

Everything I promised her is here

Both of us the way we used to be

We will always have each other

She will always be the fire in my heart

Here I go, and there's no turning back

My great adventure has begun

I may be small

But I've got giant plans

To shine as brightly as the sun

Here in all the smallest details of the past

Here in this attic suddenly life is something vast

The both of us forever here at last

As unexpected as can be

Astonishing.

I wish I could post with happier news. I wish with all of my heart that I could be saying that we got the results back from my sisters final scans and she is completely tumor free. I wish I could say that she just needs to do a few months of physical therapy and then she can get back to Florida, back up on that float, right where she belongs.

However, my sweet sister's condition got exponentially worse literally overnight. She was admitted back to Huntsman Cancer Institute on Friday, February 26th, hopefully to control the pain that was getting so much worse in her back and between her shoulder blades. I was able to go up for the weekend and spend time with her, even though she was almost completely unconscious because of the amount of pain medication she was on. I went back on Sunday night on the condition that my mom would call me if ANYTHING changed. She called me on Monday night and told me that I needed to come up that night. There wasn't anything more they could do for Brittanie and she would be gone within a couple weeks, possibly a matter of days.

For the next 5 days, we had a constant stream of visitors at the hospital, including her roommates from Florida Meg and Beth, Beth's fiancee Trevor, Brittanie's best friend Sawyer from Las Vegas, Chirpie from California, Becky from Colorado, Victoria from Florida, and a number of friends and family from around Utah.

Saturday morning around 5:30, my mom called me at home and said that Brittanie was getting close and I needed to get there. Chirpie had just made it into town a few hours earlier, so Sawyer and I woke him up and brought him to the hospital with us and hoped that we would make it in time for Chirpie to have a few minutes with Brittanie. Chirpie was with her until about 6:30, then my dad and mom and I slept in her room with the monitors turned up so if anything started to change, we would wake up.

About 8:25, I heard the alarms start to go off and my parents start to move around. My mom woke me up and told me to go to Brittanie's bedside. Within a minute or two, my sweet sister was free of all the pain and torture from this evil disease.

The next few hours are a blur to me. There are many things that I will remember for the rest of my life, like finally being able to lie with her and hug her and hold her without worrying about hurting her. I sat with her and sang to her and just felt so much peace. My best friend was out of pain and was dancing with angels and partying with our Grandpa Duke, Uncle Cliff, Aunt Deb and Inkie, our dog.

I remember my sister in law, Andy, making me lie down at one point because I was hysterical and finally giving me a Valium. Leave it to me, right? After that, I don't remember much. Except for one little inside Ellen joke that I knew she sent to make me smile. And it worked :) I was vaguely aware about an hour later of my dear friend, Shordy, coming to my parents house and lying with me until I fell asleep, but after that I was out for a few hours.

The next day, we celebrated my sisters life in true Brittanie Siobhan fashion: with an Oscar Party! My brother, sister in law, two nieces, Sawyer, Chirpie, my parents and I filled out Oscar ballots, each put $5 in the pool and watched the entire show. Its a tradition we've had for years and even when Brittanie was on the other side of the country, we would all call one another on commercial breaks and talk about the awards given since our last conversation. We like to think she had a front row seat at the awards that night. Right next to Heath Ledger :)

The week after that is also pretty blurry. Lots of arrangements were made, and thats pretty much it. Friday night, the 12th, was the viewing. The turn out was out of this world, but then, did Brittanie ever expect anything traditional? So many friends, family members, coworkers (past and present) and childhood neighbors showed up to pay their respects and let us know how much they loved our girl. When our family got there at 5:45pm, the line was already out the door and it wasn't even scheduled to start until 6. We didn't leave the funeral home until 9:30 that night. It was amazing.

Saturday is almost too difficult to describe right now. I hope I'll be able to at some point, but I feel as though right now it is too sacred. She would have been very pleased though. There were tears, but more importantly, there was laughter. After the services and the luncheon, Sawyer, Chirpie and his friend Tim, Shordy and I came back to the house and had a Brittanie Movie Night. We watched Drop Dead Gorgeous and 300 and ate lots of Fat Kid Food. She would have been very proud of the Fat Kids :)

Now its technically 3 days after the funeral and I have to return to my life in Provo tomorrow night. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that, though. I can't imagine a "normal life" without my sister. My partner in crime. My other half. So I guess we'll see how that goes. I know she'll be with me, helping take every step. And I know that she wouldn't want me to sit around and be sad. She'd want me to go on with my life, remember her, and make my life Astonishing. http://obit.russonmortuary.com/obitdisplay.html?id=763390&listing=Current

Miracles Happen!!

Heavens above!! Its been too long since I did this!! Its been insane. I can't even believe its been 3 months. Time has flown, but it also seems like it has stood completely still. We had an AMAZING run of "Into The Woods." Amazing friendships were formed, good times were had by all. That is my favorite part of a show, really. Everything that happens backstage. All of the stupid inside jokes and crazy random moments.

But it wouldn't be a fractured fairy tale without...well..a fracture!! Well, almost. Just a couple of torn ligaments. While I wish I could write this eloquently, Julie Webb describes the scene the best.

"No One Is Alone. Truly."
Written by Julie Webb "The Baker's Wife" Into the Woods 2009
10/02/2009

I have often had a nightmare where I'm to play a leading role, and it's time for the performance and I realize I've never been to a single rehearsal, never read the script, don't have a costume, don't know my songs or my lines.

Last night I was on stage with someone who lived it.

Right after Little Red's solo "I Know Things Now", she went back into Granny's House, a moving set piece that is a three-in-one (Granny's House, Rapunzel's Tower, Cinderella's Mother's Tree). Its is pivoted from behind by a member of the tech crew for each scene. As the piece was being turned, there was a horrifying high pitched scream. At first, we wondered what had happened. Did someone fall from the tree? Was something wrong in the audience? And then:

"Turn the tree back! My leg is broken!"

I leapt on stage and helped Cody, our tree moving tech, pivot the tree back. The father of one of our actresses jumped on stage and yelled into the audience, "Is there a doctor in the house?" And then the granc curtain came down.
At this point, I was panicking more then I ever have in my life. I had seen her get her foot caught. I was right there, but I couldn't help her. I ran out on stage, looked into the audience, saw my dad sitting there and told him to come help. We didn't know what to do to help her. I was pacing and starting to hyperventilate (I'm such a drama queen), so Jordon Sorenson came up and grabbed me and told me to breathe. I collapsed into him. I cried on his shoulder for a little bit while Marissa was crying and screaming from the other side of the stage. I looked up and saw Josh coming toward us. He pulled me from Jordon and tried to calm me down. It helped a little, but after a few minutes, I just needed to be with her.

I ran around to the front of the tree. Marissa (our Little Red) was laying there, crying. There was an EMT and a nurse in the audience, who immediately came forwad to help. Marissa was moved off stage. I stayed back. I didn't want to crowd anyone, and I knew I couldn't do much to help. Someone was calling 911. I felt an overwhelming urge to pray. I stepped into a corner of the stage behind the tree and fell to my knees. I pleaded with the Lord, "I know I can't do anything to help. But I KNOW I have enough faith. Please heal Marissa's leg. Please take away her pain." After quite some time, I felt calm, and I stood up and walked to where the commotion was. Three men in the cast had just given Marissa a priesthood blessing. I stood by Marissa abd stroked her hair and hugged her and made sure she had clean tissues while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.

The EMT asked her, "On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain you have ever felt in your life, how would you rate what you're feeling right now?"
"Well," Marissa said, "this IS the worst pain I've ever felt, but I'm only 16, so...I guess I'd say it's about 8.7."

She was so brave. I could hardly even believe it. I was in worse shape then she was. The only time she ever showed that she was in pain was when they tried to move her foot or take off the shoe. She kept asking us what we were going to do about the show and apologizing for ruining it. I finally told her to shut up so the EMTs could work on her and that we'd worry about the show later. She had my hand the whole time and I just sat there with tears running down my face.

Laurel (our Jack's Mother, and a member of the Scera faculty) pulled Samantha (Step-Sister) aside and asked her if she could go on for Little Red. "I think so. Maybe," she replied. Laurel told her that there was no maybe. Either she could or she couldn't. If she could, we'd continue with the show. If not, we'd have to call the show and send the audience home. "Okay," Samantha said. "I'll do it."

Marissa's mom and the ambulance arrived, and took Marissa to the hosptial. She left wearing her costume, leaving behind only the apron, the cloak, and the wig. the cast circled up in the green room. Samantha was given a costume to throw on. Another actress was brought in to fill the empty Stepsister role. We prayed together, and then re-started the show where we had left off.

It was truly amazing. Samantha learned her lines for the next scene whenever she was off-stage. Everyone covered for everyone. We helped each other and held each other up. We prayed for each other. Samantha was brilliant. Nicole covered nearly all the stepsister lines, and never dropped character for a moment. It was the most remarkable theater experience.

Our audience was terrific. We were playing to a packed house. We felt such love and understanding from the. When Samantha came forward to take her bow, the entire cst joine in the audience in their applause.

Near the end of the show, Marissa's mom called Laurel. After looking at the x-rays, the doctors said it was merely a bad sprain. Nothing was broken. It's quite possible the hard leather ankle-boot saved Marissa's leg. She's wearing a fiberglass splint. We don't know if she'll do our closing night tonight or not. If she does, it will probably be on crutches and we'll be overjoyed to see her.

I wanted to write this all down before I forgot the details. It was sureal. Everyone was so brave. I'm so proud of every single member of this fanastic cast, and so grateful to be a part of it.
Marissa DID do our closing night...in a wheelchair! It was amazing. She totally rose to the challenge. It was like she was looking at the people who thought she couldn't do it and saying "Oh yeah? Watch me." It was one of her best performances. Howard, the director, pushed around on stage for the majority of the first act (as her dead grandfather who watches over her), but during the second act, the other people on the stage helped her get around on the rare occasion she couldn't do it herself. Backstage, we had two people help get the chair from stage right to left and when I could I helped her hobble back and forth, other wise she just hopped on one foot. Jacob, Charlie, Cody, and I had gone to see her earlier that day and she was doing so well. She was in a good mood and excited to do the show. She was in a lot of pain, but my dad went and go her some Ibuprofen and she was fine for the rest of the night. There were, of course, some shaky point, but it turned out really well and we had an amazing closing night!"

Thanks Julie, for letting me use your beautiful description of an amazing night!!!

So yeah, that was pretty much the extent of 'Into The Woods.'

The same night as the accident, my parents (who came to EVERY performance except for the first 2 because they had been in Florida) pulled me aside after the show and told me we needed to talk. They sat me down and told me that Brittanie, my older sister, had gone to the doctor earlier that day for just some general fatigue and malaise. Because she was having stomach pains, they did an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a growth the size of a grapefruit on her left ovary. They did some pathology tests a couple days later and said that we would probably hear about the results within a week or so. My dad called me the next morning from outside my classroom, so I knew it was bad. He told me the doctors has discovered that its what is called an 'adenosquamos tumor' or something like that. That meant that there was a chance it would be cancerous.

My mom was already down in Florida with Brittanie and then my dad would go down in about a week, just a few days before the surgery to remove the tumor from her ovary. My dad and I spent the day at Barnes and Noble waiting to hear anything more from the coast. We heard a few hours later that they had decided to keep an eye on it, bed rest, and keep the surgery scheduled for October 14th. We all went about lives for the next few days. My dad and I were at Evita at Roger's Memorial Theater when he got a text message from my mom. Brittanie's pain was through the roof and they wanted to admit her to the hospital where she would be having the surgery. My dad left the following day (I believe it was the 9th or 10th of October) to be there with them. The surgery happened on the 14th as planned at it went really well. They got all the of the tumor from her ovary, she would recover for about 2 weeks, then come here. It is cancerous, but they were really hopeful. They came home about 2 weeks later, and we got her settled in at home. Lots of bed rest, not much outside of her bedroom, but she could walk around on her own when needed. On Halloween night, her pain was out of control again. We tried to get her downstairs to the car so we could take her to hospital, but we got to the top of the stairs and she couldn't even stand up anymore. We called 911 and they took her to the University of Utah Hospital. She had gotten really dehydrated, but they were concerned about some more mets they had found in her lungs. She was transfered to Huntsman Cancer Institute that night.

They found that it was a very aggressie type of cancer (Stage 4 Ovarian) and had spread to her lungs, bones, brain, and lymph nodes. She was doing relatively well for about a week and they let her go home except to come back for a few hours everyday to do radiation. They wanted to work on her medication levels, so they admitted her again. She was there for about another week finishing radiation. On the same day she finished radiation, she started chemotherapy. She was sitting up, talking, alert, watching movies with us until about 6 o'clock that night. Starting at about 6:30 or 7, she was REALLY groggy and having a hard time keeping her oxygen levels above about 85 (which is really low). They started talking about putting her on a ventilator, but then told us that if she was put on a ventilator, there was a good chance she would never come off of it. We started to wonder what she would tell us to do if she was conscious and had basically come to the conclusion that she wouldn't want the tubes. We began to say our goodbyes. We thought it was time for Wendy to back to Neverland. One of the respiratory doctors said that if we put her on a special oxygen mask, then we might not need to intubate her. We tried that, but it gave her such bad panic attacks from the pressure behind the air (my sister in law compared it to trying to take a drink from a fire hose) that she couldn't keep it on for more then a few minutes. It was a start and that was all we were asking for. They took her down to the ICU at U of U hospital, where she stayed from Sunday night to Friday. On Tuesday, my uncles came and gave her a Priesthood blessing. I won't go into detail, but it was the most amazing thing I've ever heard. It was such a breath of fresh air. She was blessed with healing and recovery, which was everything we could have asked. By Wednesday night, she was sitting up in bed, watching Project Runway, eating full meals, and only using the BiPap (the high pressure mask) for a few minutes every hour.

We got her back up to Huntsman on Friday afternoon. There were still a few days before Thanksgiving, but we were pretty sure we wouldn't have her home by then. We had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital, eating lukewarm turkey and canned cranberries from the cafeteria while watching a video that her Florida family had put together from a benefit they had had in her honor.

A few days later, she slipped and broke her pelvis in 3 or 4 places. That set her progress back a little bit, which was really disappointing for her. About a week later, she had surgery to repair the fracture. They put a screw in from one side of her pelvic bone to the other, so about 8 inches long. The surgical team was AMAZING. One little nurse, came up to us while we were all kneeling around Britt's bed (she gets claustrophobic when we all stand around her) and asked if she could join us. We said of course and she bowed her head and folded her arms. When we didn't do anything, she looked up and said "Oh I'm sorry! I thought you were praying!" We looked at Brittanie and asked if she wanted us to. She said yes, so we had a word of prayer before sending her into the OR. This sweet nurse (I feel bad, but I don't remember her name) gave Britt one of her husbands medals from a triathlon or marathon or the Iron Man....I think it was the Iron Man. Apparently he does a program called "Medals for Metal" where his wife chooses special cases from her surgeries where they have to use rods or screws and gives away his medals. I think it is so awesome that he wants to acknowledge the strength that it takes to have these kinds of surgeries. Brittanie was in recovery for about an hour after a three hour procedure. At one point, the nurses called up to ask if "Brittanie's sister" was ok. We told them that yes, I'm fine. They told us that she had woken up asking for me, wondering where I was, saying that she needed to find me and be with me. When she got up to the room, she saw me and started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I thought we were here for you and I couldn't find you. It was so scary." I, of course, burst into tears and couldn't leave her side for the rest of the day.

Brittanie's recovery time was about a week for that, then we finally got her home. We got her home on December 5th and on the morning of December 6th, we were showered with gifts. My mom had received a call about a week earlier saying that someone had anonymously purchased a Festival of Trees tree for us. On December 6th, it was delivered. First, they brought in a HUGE 7 foot tall tree decorated in red and gold ball ornaments, ornaments the size of my head(!!), and an assortment of Mickey ornaments. THEN, they brought in a fireplace, which in place of an actual fire, had a flat screen TV and DVD player, complete with a Disney DVD called 'Magical Fireplace.' It looks and sounds like a real fire, but every few minutes, the silhouettes of Disney characters float past in the background! THEN, they brought in an arm chair and ottoman, complete with large, plush Mickey and Minnie in Christmas Attire. There was a train around the tree. There was a painting of Santa Claus (who, we are pretty sure, was modeled after Walt himself) with Mickey and Minnie. There were tools for the "fireplace." There was a top hat and scarf for Mickey. There was a table and 4 Christmas Disney mugs. All kinds of little details that only Disney would think of. To this day, we don't know who it is from. We have a few ideas, but I guess we'll never know. Which, honestly, makes it a little more special. :)

I was able to come home for Christmas Break on December 22nd. It was so nice to go home and not have to worry about coming back down to Provo for almost 2 weeks. We were all able to relax together, take naps on the couch together, watch Wife Swap and West Wing together, all of our favorite stuff! On the 23rd, we went to our grandma's house for a family Christmas party. It was the first time Brittanie had been out of the house since we had gotten her home and she looked BEAUTIFUL. Then, on Christmas morning, we went to our grandpa's house for Christmas breakfast. It was SO fun to be able to get her out of the house and around people again. It was really draining for her and she wasn't feeling very good for a few days after, but she was so happy while we were there.

Brittanie had her 3rd round of chemotherapy on December 30th and we got some AMAZING news. Her tumor counts (not exactly sure what that means, honestly) had gone from 163 when she was first diagnosed, down to 95 after the first round, and then down to 63 after the second round. The normal rate is 30, so this is so great.

We have lots of hope now for her recovery. There is still a rough road ahead, but she is doing SO well. She walked up the stairs the other day in front of me for the first time in 3 months, and I started to cry. No one does determined like Brittanie and she is proving it to us tenfold.

I think that is pretty much everything exciting from the last few months....well, I DID get in a car accident because I was texting, went to court with about 30 thugs from Downtown Salt Lake City that were there for domestic abuse and theft (If you ever want to feel like a skinny little white girl, thats the place!) almost got sent to jail for 10 days (I had no idea about that one until I got outside and my dad told me what the judge had said and I almost passed out on the sidewalk), and now have to pay a $595 fine....but thats all!!